Reflection and life

Another death in the family. Uncle passed away on Wednesday after spending weeks fighting between life and death in the hospital. He was a fighter. It took a toll on the family where life went upside down, taking a u-turn, shuttling between home and hospital. I remember meeting him two weeks back and was shocked to see the jovial man in this state, feeble and losing weight. It made me sad. I told him, Uncle! I will see you when you are back home and we will chit-chat. A feeble smile appeared on his face. It was the last time that I spoke to uncle.

It’s been a month of illness where his son spent the whole day and night sitting at Fortis. I accompanied him where we indulged in lil bit of chat. I think moral support is very important. How do we cope with grief? It’s something which is difficult to comprehend. What remains are wonderful memories spent together! It brought me back to the time when Dad sunk into coma and passed away, way back in 2007. I couldn’t recognize Dad when I met him. Somehow, I was able to cope with Dad’s death because it was the time that I moved away to Pune and then Mumbai and naturally cut myself off from attachment. In short, I was detached emotionally despite being the only child who was close to Dad.  The period of detachment worked for me or else, it would have taken a long time for me to cope with Dad’s death. The uncle who died  was a dentist and has been a strong pillar of support when Dad suddenly fell ill and passed away.

This week has been a very tiring one, from attending early morning conferences till the evening, spending the night at hospital and uncle’s death. I am still recovering from physical fatigue that took a toll on my life. The lack of exercise must account for something where I spend the time slouching on the chair and typing. Lack of physical exercise is such a bane. I am trying to cut my sugar intake since yours truly has a sweet tooth but for kicking the butt, it’s been a nearly impossible task. I am raring to go back to yoga classes after more than a year.

Uncle’s death brings one face-to-face with life’s reality.  I stay with Mom for quite some time now and been trying to move away for my own good and to detach the self. As our parents’ age, we don’t realize how important it is for us to detach emotionally for one day will come where we will be on our own and their physical disappearance will take its toll on us. I don’t want it to happen.  I wonder, how many of us realize the importance to detach emotionally! I feel it is of utmost importance. Trust me, it makes us independent and we grow in leaps and bounds. I am guilty of that. I was always an independent person, cherishing my freedom that gave me wings when I left the family cocoon for Pune and Mumbai. But, it waned away when I came back. It’s an area where I feel that I am not growing enough. True independence happens when you are on your own and doing your personal things. I’ve dabbled with moving out for quite some time. Staying independent is bliss.

I do not really subscribe to this view of being the perfect son or the bull crap of getting married to fulfil parents’ need. We no longer have this shaadi conversation, Me and Mom. It fizzled a long time back. I am someone who believes that one should only get married when he or she wants to rather than pleasing parents or society. It shouldn’t be a compulsion or some sort of fucked moral compass to adhere. It’s my life, after all. Neither do I believe that I should stay with parents since it’s my duty. Sorry, I don’t see things this way. It’s all about growing and conquering life beyond the family’s nest. Children don’t need to stay with parents after studies or marriage. It limits growth. I feel that any decision should be taken with an open mind rather than blurred vision becoming the holy cow. Moreover, decisions in my life are taken with lucidity minus the samaj or ritual thing. Unfortunately, our Indian society croon a different tune. Read this amazing piece here. The last time I shared on Facebook, it provoked a flurry of emotions.

On the personal front, I have decided to start all over the novel and chucked the 90 pages odd draft that stands neglected for a couple of years. This week has been quite hectic professionally and personally where I didn’t write anything. I intend to wrap up the first chapter by the end of next week. I have started reading The Bastard of Istanbul by Elif Shafak and a host of other books on Kindle but at a slow pace. Need to rush things for I have set an objective of finishing 10 books on Kindle by year-end.

It’s been ages that I am penning my thought on life’s reflections. Time to say cheerz. Of course, I am forever a coffee addict and I am in the process of downing a third glass.

See ya soon

V