#IAMPINK: Of Feminism, Menism, Equalism, and Humanism by Kavipriya Moorthy

#IAMPINK is a mass movement. The blog goes PINK where women from different walks of life share their stories what they faced and choose to hit back at the patriarchal society. Today, I am glad to share this hard-hitting piece by author Kavipriya Moorthy, ‘Of Feminism, Menism, Equalism and Humanism.’ Kavipriya shares her #PINK story on this blog. It’s a story of women who are often told Conditions Apply. If you haven’t watch #PINK watch it for it’s the most important film to watch for every woman and every man. The response to the film is tremendous and one cannot stay away from it. Reason why yours truly has decided to be part of the mass movement that #PINK is becoming as a small part of the change.

Kavipriya is the author of ‘I don’t wear Sunscreen and blogs here.

Of Feminism, Menism, Equalism, and Humanism

by

Kavipriya Moorthy

Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin, rosy lips and teeth inside – I was taught. So was my brother. Maybe, it started off right there. He and I were taught that a woman should be confined to such written boundaries. Only curly hair, very fair, blue eyes and very lovely too are proposed. Men and their love at first sight! It looks like they learned it somewhere, don’t blame them, please!

“Do What You Love,” but conditions apply. “What are those conditions, dad?” I asked. “First, don’t answer back!” he said. So my men were taught, ‘If a woman questions your norms or answers back, she falls under the ‘bajaari’ category.’  Fair enough. Don’t blame people, please!

Because a girl who is taller than a guy, the one whose voice equals the universal definition of ‘men’s voice’ are to be considered as ‘crazy’ and to be left alone. Don’t even try! Okay, I won’t blame guys.

A girl should look like the Moon, fair, kind, and beautiful and…and…and…who will only live with the light that Su(o)n provides. So, my forefathers planned and told the next generation not to fall for a girl who can be strong as the sun.

Think out of the box my dear son and marry a girl, who cannot ‘think,’ who will never go ‘out,’ who doesn’t know ‘of’ anything, who will not be ‘the’ strong one, and will fit in your ‘box.’

There are no rules to life, but ensure that a girl never ‘rules’ you. They were taught. So was I.

Because my mom said, ‘That friend of yours looks like a ghost,’ when she wore a layer of cream and a lip color that matches her skin tone, and my baby brother started creating memes on women and their makeup. Haha! Yeah. A woman who loves makeup is a No, right?

Because my grandpa told, ‘That friend of yours is really a nice girl!’ You know why? When Priya came home, she was decked in a salwar with her dupatta folded into a ‘V’ shape pinned over her shoulders, hair plaited and wore pretty flat slippers. It looks like my elder brother heard which registered in his mind on what makes a ‘nice girl’ – Don’t blame my brother.

If you find a girl who gives you signals, ‘Don’t wait, just do it.’ – Ah! Niharika was raped. She didn’t give any signals, though. Looks like when drunk and whatever she does falls under the ‘signal’ category. Bhaiya! She bled to death, and you’re a free bird now with 10,000 rupees and a sewing machine  Wow! Thank you, Government!

When my little sister’s friends participated in a local dance show, all of them appreciated the small guy who danced to ‘It’s the time to disco’ but then he said that the little girl who danced with him should have worn a pant that covers her legs. Well, the girl stopped dancing forever. Maybe, that’s why we only have Prabhudevas, and there are very less Prabhudevis.

The other day I read a message on my ‘other inbox’ – It read, “Dear sister, please change your picture’s privacy settings to private. Because anything can happen Nah!” – Oh, the Morphing, slut shaming, etc…etc…Right? Got it. Thanks, Bro!

Because we were taught only red, blue, yellow, and green are the houses colors at school and girls who chose to wear different nail colors are bitches. Looks like a subconscious choice, my love. Don’t choose that Paasi green nail color!

 “Never, Never, Never, Give up,” they taught. Hence, the guy from the high school kept barging every single day  on the girl he likes to shower her with roses, greeting cards, and finally with a bottle of acid. Not His Fault, right?

Don’t laugh loud, don’t walk like a man, don’t wear a tight shirt, don’t leave your hair loose, don’t…don’t… and don’t … The only word that I’ve heard throughout my life is, ‘Don’t.’

You need a man to donate sperms, you need a man to lift that heavy table, you need to be accompanied by a man if you’re traveling in the night, you need a man… you need a man… you need a man. The only phrase I’ve heard throughout my life.

‘Good girls don’t smoke, ‘Good girls don’t drink,’ and ‘Good girls will not have sex before marriage.’ ‘But, what about guys, daddy?’  ‘I told you not to question backkkkkkkkk!’ he yelled. And, I was perplexed.  I sat down and cried because mom does that. I’ve seen mom doing that whenever dad yells. So, I will do it now; I will also do it when my husband shouts so that it is passed to my little daughter who will also learn to do exactly the same. ‘Keep quiet!’ when he farts, ‘Keep quiet!’ when he cheats, ‘Keep quiet!’ when he… whatever…Just keep quiet my lady. I observed from my big fat family.

“Keep trying,” I heard. I smiled. “For a baby,” they said the next phrase louder. And, I had to, even when I didn’t want to. Because only a child can make me a woman, right? As-Per-The-Social-Norms.

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…

…

Hey! The world has changed. We all have changed. Things have changed. My girl, walk out. You can wear a mini skirt, you can wear dark red lipstick, you can have sex with anyone; we don’t mind it because it is your body but just ensure that we’re good post marriage.  It’s okay if you’ve been intimate with someone before marriage and if you are loyal to me, that would do. You can write or dance or sing or stay as creative as you want because we love women who are great achievers. Hey, girl, You look good, no matter what size you are; chuck your insecurities and buy that XXXL sleeveless short top, none of us will comment. You can my girl — I heard.

“Howwwww?” I asked in astonishment.

“Because we all have accepted whatever feminists want, we believe in equalism and are humanist,” They said, and I jumped with joy.

I just boarded a train and got down at a busy junction, “We are all Equalist and Humanist now,” I recalled and strode. Then…then…someone slipped a hand over my shoulder and crushed my left breast, “Keep quiet. Don’t shout!” It was the voice of my father that hit my brain and I abided. Then another hand squeezed my butt. I am again quiet…QUIET.