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Prompt on Virtual Siyahi: Questioning me for being myself

I am taking part in the prompt #writewithpriyanka of Virtual Siyahi with the line, ‘Questioning me for being myself’ from her post.

Thanks, Priyanka for hosting this creative post, giving me a prompt and firing my imaginative and crazy bulb. I am doing a fiction with the line provided by her. You can follow her Facebook page. Priyanka Joshi Nair is one of the most talented writers and bloggers I know, a kind soul and one of my most prized friends. We became friends this year only on the online space.


Questioning me for being myself

Questioning me for being myself…I stood on the edge of the balcony and felt dizzy looking down at the road, cars appearing smaller from a distance and the Arabian sea looking calm.  Everything felt weird. I thought, “There must be a better way to die without pain in the entire Mumbai.” My head was spinning imagining the body oscillating in the air and crashing on the road with blood oozing.  My head twitched and spun. I readily clutched the pillar and got down to safety on the balcony.

In the fleeting moment, I thought that would slip from altitude and die…wouldn’t the perfect crime passed an accident. But, no, everyone will call it suicide. After all, who falls down off the 10th floor of a building! I am a coward! Zia left me for someone better. She didn’t even send a Whatsapp message or a letter, just pretended I don’t exist. My parents think I am worthless for refusing to marry the daughter of Papa’s boss and saying their son is a selfish fool.

Neighbors, immediate family and relatives question me for almost every small thing, daring to go against them and for being myself. I am scorned upon for not fitting with their stupidity. I fix at the flower-pot.  Will I ever bloom! Never! I counted seconds, minutes and hour. I stood still like a statue.  A scary voice shouted, “You are a coward and lack spine to take your life.” My head splintered like a bomb exploding and blowing me into shard.  Can death make me myself? Figuring out ways to kill myself and take revenge on this world for questioning my values and beliefs, I should jump in the sea. Will it matter to them? Should I inhale cyanide? Will she cry?

Zia! My death wouldn’t make an ounce of difference to her. I am persuaded. Should I jump one last time? A strange fear clutched my legs. I can’t move an inch. Perhaps, the time has come to postpone death and attempt another time. I shall try harder not be questioned for being myself. Can’t let them have it easy!



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‘QuotedStories #11’: ‘Good example’, the faulty line

This post is written as part of ‘QuotedStories #11’ hosted by Upasna and Rohan,  based on Mark Twain’s quote: ‘There is nothing so annoying as a good example.’


There is no such thing as a good example. Honestly speaking, it irks me to see people sorry society imposing on us to take X or Y as a shining example or model to build our respective social and moral life. Speak about the social control tool used by society to dampen the free-spirited soul.

The good example kinda standard is rampant all over the place, right from the extended family to the next door neighbor or even among friends, for that matter. Look at Bittu-ji’s beta or beti, he is a successful business entrepreneur and married a good ‘Khandani’ boy or girl who follow and adhere to all norms, serving babu-ji tea on bed and religiously attend Pravachan in the temple. Can’t you learn from him or her? At this age, you are still unmarried and God knows what you are looking for in life.

Or, if some of us want to follow Donald Trump’s example, ‘Let’s make America great again?’ I am unsure how many of us would be willing to follow this man’s example since he embodies everything that is wrong with mankind…dumb bull crap, failed businessman, a history of harassing and assaulting women sexually or spreading hatred. Trust the dim wits to take Trump as a good example. It makes me wonder what US was before that he wants to make it Great again. It intrigues me that there are people who are willingly treading on this ‘bad and horrible example’.

This whole issue of following the so-called ‘good example’ worries me to the hilt when our priority should be to let our children grow free and devoid of moral, social or religious prejudices. It seems that we are holding a stick to their faces and ordering, ‘Do this or that’ or you will be beaten black-and-blue. Be a scientist, engineer or doctor and don’t go for arts. Heard about this right?!

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The age-old textbooks graphics on Girls can cook and Boys can Eat reinforces the patriarchal roles in society that has permeated gender playing roles, albeit discriminatory practice in our society. Certainly, a wrong example to follow that has deepened discrimination in society. The bottom line lies in the fact that the reinforced ‘good example’ to follow has done society more harm than good which we are still coming to terms with.

Next time, when someone throws this so-called ‘Good example’ on your face, don’t take it at face value and be unafraid to question rules that fetter growth. The true purpose of education is not to reinforce rules but discuss untested hypothesis and discard them to make your own rules. It matters to young minds, unafraid to take on society.

The agency of controlling minds is toxic and something we have witnessed through the daughter-son, husband-wife or in-laws equations which suffocates the environment in which free thinkers live. Pollution destroys society and so are rules. Why do we need them to control people? It owes to fear raging in people endorsing rules or examples that have existed for decades. It’s the biggest fault line in our education system that needs a complete overhaul or throwing this ‘good example’ card which is not just annoying but brings in negativity. A fearful mind is unwilling to explore and take risks.  Bungee jumping may not be a good example but still serves as a good fodder to free the mind and emotions or for that matter, removing pent-up emotions.

With Love


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Choice of words: #QuotedStories

This post is written as part of this prompt (Fiction + personal), Choice of words,#QuotedStories, Follow your heart but take your brain with you – Alfred Adler hosted by Upasna and Rohan.

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I climbed the stairs, intrigued by the sweet and enticing voice trudging but as I raced my way upstairs to close on her heels, she was disappearing by the minute. The mysterious voice held me in its spell and I was enamored by the lullaby. My soul was captivated by this unknown force that kept pulling me in her direction.

My legs were numb and stood paralyzed but nothing could stop me. I was in short of breath and sweated profusely. The alley was dark and the staircase deserted. I was determined to unravel her identity. A strange feeling encapsulated me that her voice echoed a sense of familiarity that we’ve met since ages in another world. This sensation ran deep down my spine and it pulled me towards her. I couldn’t think properly. This was the last thing that I could do. Perhaps, I was listening to an inner voice that wouldn’t give a damn to reason. I knew that I was treading a dangerous path. But, who cares!

I inched within a distance of her shadow as I neared the white coated wall and wooden door. I searched thoroughly for her. She was nowhere to be seen. It was an enigma of sort. Maybe, life’s greatest illusion. For me, she was life. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with her. My heart was beating unusually fast and stood paralyzed with fear. It was now or never, I told myself. In all these years, I lived in constant fear. But, not anymore even if death crossed my path.

I pushed the door with all my might, banging it with my fist and body which made it open wide on the terrace and suddenly an unknown force flung my body, propelled by the wind towards the edge. I felt like a bird flying in the blue sky and flitting past the crystal clear cloud.  The voice has brusquely stopped. I looked around but this place looked eerie. I was standing on the crossroad of life-and-death, my feet firmly entrenched on the roof’s end of the skyrise. My head was spinning as I looked down the city with its inhabitants and cars becoming smaller with lights moving faster than the corner of my eyes. My vision blurred. Suddenly, my eye struck on a banner lying upside down on the huge and sprawling jamun tree: Follow your heart but take your brain with you – Alfred Adler


I often wonder, what if one has to choose between the heart and the head for it’s impossible for someone to carry both with them in this big world of thinking.  It’s like the analogy of who came first, egg or chicken. The short story above is an analogy of sort on what keeps raging inside my head when I take decisions. I always trust my intuition and decide on the spur of the moment. I have been designed like that only: The head or logic has never been my strongest point.  I am someone who always thinks with the heart. My high point of argument: If we had no heart to feel the pain, love or making decisions, the head would never exist. This quote by Alfred Adler about following the heart but taking the brain along is quite tricky, complex and subjective. I can’t recall a single time when I haven’t followed my heart. It hasn’t resulted in the best decision of my life which often has led in hurting myself. I have left several jobs without thinking of its implications or weighing the consequences such as payment of loans and EMI or my own expenses. Trust me, it was the roughest patch in life where I didn’t have money to buy a single cigarette stick for myself and broke my own piggy bank for daily survival.

I can’t recall a single time when I haven’t followed my heart. It hasn’t resulted in the best decision of my life which often has led in hurting myself. I have left several jobs without thinking of its implications or weighing the consequences such as payment of loans and EMI or my own expenses. Trust me, it was the roughest patch in life where I didn’t have money to buy a single cigarette stick for myself and broke my own piggy bank for daily survival.

Still, I shall tell you it was the best decision that I ever took in life for following my heart and ended up being in a fix taught me hell lot about resilience, patience and going with the flow. It helped to refine and define myself as a person. At the end of the day, I will always choose to follow my heart rather than carrying the head along. I am planning to for an iPhone 7 and logic would tell that it’s stupid to throw away so much money out of the window. But, I am someone who toil real hard for my money and why the fuck give too much importance to pricey logic. Life is short. Treat yourself well for it’s you and no one else deserve the good and bad things in equal measure.