An unexpectedly slow note was hit during the middle of the week till Friday and was bedridden due to fever that knocked me off the perch. The bed remained the only solace for me and realized how I lost my stamina. Just imagine the drop in body temperature that pushed me to spend time lying down, sleeping and slurping on hot water in the humid season.
I hate falling sick and it sucks. You don’t want to get up from the bed and feels like an invisible power sucking you to sleep. Tossing from left to right and hanging on a tiny thread of hope coupled with the worry and mind constantly harping on how to finish off work since was extremely weak, between having soup for lunch and cutting off from Netflix. Ultimately, at the end of the day, I wrapped up stuff like a monster on Thursday evening. Gibberish thoughts that come closer to hallucination…no but just kidding. Fever made me lie awake on the bed after skipping the food and up to the lark at 2.30 a.m but hoping that med and fever would put me to sleep again but didn’t work. After all, I had no choice but stay wide awake and the worst thing is couldn’t buckle the mind to read books.
The major fuck up is the hot weather temperature and the cold body temperature, two extremities that delete the possibility of putting on the fan and getting up to pour warm drinking water from the kitchen. It’s quite an effort and near death experiment. Thankfully, I was able to venture out for a short while today and came home, catching Dating Around on Netflix and now writing this post in the middle of the night for this simple reason that sleep is eluding me. I am still feeling bout of weakness but shall weather the storm.
Today, been a mixed bag of good news and bad news. In the morning, I was tagged on Facebook and debuted on the web platform of Planet Marathi, a curated hub for everything Marathi, right from films to cuisine and theatre or culture. I write on digital media being the future of Marathi cinema and sitcoms. More on that later and do follow the link here.
The landline just rang post midnight and when it happened, one can sense 99 percent chance of bad news which is an unwritten rule among many Indian families. We just received the horrible news that a close aunt who was ailing for quite some time with several complications has passed away at the hospital. And to think, I visited her last week and she regaled me with several tales. Do pray for the gentle soul in her last voyage.
Silence is my prayer,
peace is divinity,
overworked mind spells destruction,
admire the breezy weather,
gentle flutter of branches,
shadow in the mirror,
truth lies in the moment,
every second is priceless,
don’t lose the spark,
constant reminder of a vibrant soul,
running deep through the veins,
ebbs and flows,
in slow motion,
stop the drill,
be in possession,
command the emotions,
for you are a valiant warrior.
There is something light in the air, and magic flapping wings to reach the glittering stars and sand becoming whiter representing the symbol of purity. I am feeling extraordinary and awesomee peace, an urge to love the self. Perhaps, healing can work wonderfully on us through our human interactions, spreading undiluted love, a conversation that bears no hidden feeling, motive but showering free love to the universe.
Human beings are like birds, caged and free but capable of showering affection and painting the sky with undying love, music, and mosaic to the sensory, eyes, ears, touch and feel. We are emotional beings and so is our ability in responding to human interaction receiving signals and vibes. A gentle tap on the shoulder works like a pill in taking our worries away and conversely, cold vibes can wither away all interaction. One should never hold oneself in discovering people and a small effort with an open mind, overcoming all prejudices for small conversations can trigger a great friendship and understanding. It’s normal to be wary at times and personally, I am a firm believer in energy that flow with people.
Today was such a beautiful day and felt like divine blessing conspired by the universe, affirming the sheer belief in the great power wielded by the sky and stars to throw the extraordinary. I feel like the Chosen One and destiny child where happiness unfolded itself in bundles. What it takes is the sheer belief in positivity that comes through human form, the hidden angels resident in us. Speak to that invisible angel, splaying petal of flowers and be ready to trust waves flowing towards us. Don’t resist change or a harmless conversation for one cannot know what leads to soaring happiness.
I am grateful for this day. The mind is at peace for the gentleness wafting in, kindness in bundle and it takes immense practice to nurture positivity, shedding inhibitions or cultivating a silent wish or prayer in seeking beauty in our pristine surrounding. Life is practicing the good things, winning mentality, compassion and understanding of each other as people. A small upset or defeat may not, after all, be a bad thing. Not every day shall be the same, the extraordinary, plentiful or harrowing.
Don’t we wish for the peace to stay forever with us? We have 24 hours a day and 366 days in a year. Kindness comes in various forms and it doesn’t cost us a lot to make a small effort, in kindling a smile on the face of a child or plain stranger that works like a multiplier effect for human beings are connected in ways we can’t fathom.
Spread the light and love
You call it love,
I call it madness,
breeze wafting and piercing through the mind,
shot of liquor,
incapacitating the brain,
swayed by a well serving dish,
caress and harmless touch,
heads buried in the sand,
sneaking away in the paradise,
a hornet nest,
drip of sensual honey,
a taste of intimacy and lust,
exploring zones and spot,
where no relationship matter,
A sparkle and flash, deadpan emotions, the glitter flows straight like a fleck of light and possessed spirit in form and shade, following like stream past the head, inside the entire body and soul. The beauty and gaze of the shiny sky spotted and works like therapy on the brain, flicking away all maladies. Ever tried out! A pure divine gaze. Sit back and enjoy the magical moments, hues and lights.
Waking up to a feeling of emptiness and drained of emotions. Ahem, days, nonexistent soul to sentient being and tiredness and anxiety bearing shade of colorless water or imagery. I wasn’t whining about things or restlessness but lifelessness and turning into stone-hearted.
What does one makes of something that carry no feeling? Laying strewn on the bed like blank pages scattered around. I spoke to a writer friend on Facebook who suggested to go with the flow to find the self back and not fight with anything. We both agree it’s a phase and the time is ripe on this belief about not fighting with any sentiment or thoughts. Let the emotions unfurl, positive or negative and good or bad. No feeling shall be judged or ascribed a name. The momentary numbness incapacitating the body or ability to think clearly wears thin like cloud, the scars, feeling like a cross on shoulder being carried through childhood and adulthood, the inner battled waged or demons of the past keep haunting or defining our thoughts or actions. We are not infallible and weakness can be strength in itself.
I took a nap and yoga in the afternoon plus jotting the feeling in the personal diary made me feel better about the self. In the evening, caught with someone for few drinks and came home to crash only to be woken up, stirred from slumber past 2 a.m to doze off after couple of hours. The next day was better.
Friends mean the world to us and remain our inner strength giving a sense of balance and direction. Just yesterday was chatting with a friend about something when she called for some of my plans in the coming months where she offered to help. I badly need a break and perhaps travel would do, hopefully to wring things out or going for counselling. Till that happen, every small thing or details will be recorded in a diary as far as I can recollect. Mental health is important and feeling a bit odd to pen my thoughts on this space.
Say I am well and this feeling of being super awesome works as a balm on the soul and body. It occurs to me that many people don’t understand mental health and had this discussion with a friend and his wife during the weekend. Most of us tend to either over explain the issue or simplify that leads to nowhere. I don’t blame them for was like that before. Hey, does personal issues afflicting really exist or is just made in the brain like balloons, a child’s fancy! Not as simple as that!
We need to reclaim ourselves, the individuality, overwhelming or underwhelming feeling about missing on things be it dating, having fun, learning or making the most of the moments. The mind is like a car that calls for repair from time-to-time and one should never hesitate in seeking help, flushing out the guilt or the fear of being judged. Easy to say, ask me about it and can’t fathom the day when the person that I am will be facing a therapist or pushing myself to vent out.
Till then, keep believing in the power of light and guidance for there is always an extraordinary but invisible force triggering the awesomeness in us.