The choices we make and an adolescent crisis faced, ushering into adulthood is quite the battle we make, the rebellious streak, an unquenching desire to explore everything landing on the lap defines us for an entire lifetime. If I had to go back being a teen turning into adulthood, bursting hesitation to explore everything, embracing screw ups and removing the innate fears within and not be cowered down by value judgment would be my mantra.
There are so many things I would have done in a different manner and learning a musical instrument or rock music to tap into the inner self and grow into a confident adult. I hear a voice telling, “It’s perfectly okay to screw up things.” The teen or young adult in me would be unfazed about the world and unafraid to speak in a confident voice, in venting out feelings and emotions, or for that matter, learning to speak and defend myself as a person, knowing my rights.
Listening to the heart’s calling and exploring my sexuality, never be shy in having sex while learning about the basics or not running away from confrontation would help me a great deal in balancing my energy and emotions. I would not hesitate in reaching out to people and not holding things inside. The mind was quite a turmoil as a young dude and would stop thinking too much before trudging towards growth, whether I should ask or date this girl filtering out the fear of rejection, kissing without being sconscious, removing all prejudices that fucked up adults throttle. I would question the established rules or social norms.
Exploring the self is sacred. Grow up and make mistakes. Yes! I would find a better place to hide the porn magazine and not behind boulders under the huge tree, tapping the creative bulbs. Being unafraid to speak the mind and fight it out with the bullies who deep down are scared of us but yet we let them gain the upper hand. Being silent doesn’t help is something to enforce in my brain. I would have been unabashedly myself and fear no human because of their sheer size. Fantasies are no sin! I would not be cowered down in telling the world who I am as a person, cry if I may to remove the negative energy and tell the world it’s no wrong to shed tears. Perhaps, study a bit more and at the same time, telling self that marks may not the that important, though necessary to take me places.
I would fall in love not once, twice, thrice but zillion times and it’s okay to break my own heart and the first girl is not the last one. Don’t hesitate in taking the plunge and swimming against the tide, reveling in courage and not thinking it’s a bad thing or doomsday. Perhaps, learn to disagree respectfully with my parents and don’t take a No personally for the world are not my foes. Smile more often and flirt nonchalantly with strangers. Being unafraid to make choices or laughing at my failures and wrong choices would taste like mint. But, then, I never came into the world with a handbook nor carried one with me.
As a young adult, I lacked confidence walking in a room full of people and stammered speaking to people where U-turn was the easiest resort in not pushing the limit. I often went on silent mode and bowed down. It’s not something that I would like to do and going back to being 16 0r 18 again, speaking calmly and walking at ease would be me. Had I got the choice again, removing mental blocks, unafraid of exploring the own self without thinking about consequences, without giving a damn to the world would be my oorja moment?
This post was inspired by Ridhima post on choices made, growing up.
To be continued