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Relationships goals: Age gap and finding love


Relationships are made in heaven. As cliché as it may sound, this line holds true. On Coffee with Karan,  Arjun Kapoor admitted on being in a relationship and while he may not have taken the name of Malaika Arora, read between the lines and the numerous public appearances show that this hot couple in B Town own it. I feel it’s very disrespectful for a couple not to acknowledge each other’s presence in their lives and acceptance shows the deserved respect.

The odds are often stacked against a woman being older in age to her man and the way society is wired, we nurture prejudices often lingering unfairly with terms such as cougar. It’s not only sexist, patriarchal and hypocritical but also demeaning. This entire moral argument thrown and oft-repeated, log kya kahenge cast aspersion on the woman’s character, what with this boring man-eater argument is thrown at her. The irony is that men get away with the sugar daddy terminology when we date younger girls and often used to glamorize men. Why this double standard? The truth is that it permeates gender inequality and this unequal balance where discrimination reign supreme.

As humans, we need to be ashamed about ourselves in casting value judgment on the relationship between a man and a woman hovering on age gap. Big deal! The self-appointed moral guardians make a hue-and-cry about a relationship and so what there is a huge age different and since when, it has become a sudden moral issue for society at large or media to discuss someone’s personal life. Who defined morality? There is no such thing as a universal moral value, being a relative term and what is moral for one person may not necessarily be for the other.

Age factor is not as much important as having the courage to follow one’s heart rather than compromising with money or society’s whims and fancies, bending down to obsolete wishes. A firm belief in leading one’s life and being unwary about rules, my life is after all mine and not that of my parents, extended family or even friends who might advise in chucking out a relationship. The recent wedding of, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jones is a tale of major relationship goals where two individuals have decided to follow their heart rather than listening to the garbage thrown by society.  Two mature individuals are entire capable of making a decision regarding their lives and they are not stupid that some self-appointed guardians will decide for them.

Battling family pressure can get complicated. I agree. It’s no reason for a couple to break away and clearly Arjun and Malaika have shown the way and followed their hearts rather than bending down to whims and fancies. Time has come for us as a society to alter our mentality when it comes to age differences in relationships, divorce, remarriage or live-in relationships. Honestly speaking, I wouldn’t have any issue dating or be with someone is divorced and being elder, younger to me as long as there is consent. People who tread this line, are first and foremost secure human beings and love is not about prejudices but what we want as human beings.

We are a society constantly in-flux and witnessing changes in social mores, the young people are becoming more acceptant about changing equations and leaving behind the over-romanticized notions or conservative mindset about how an ideal partner should be like. It’s all about experimenting, removing labels on relations and a belief in discarding the load on what a perfect person should be like. Pursue relationships goals based on equality, mutual respect and connecting on a deeper level. There are no rights or wrongs in depicting a partner with rules. The fear of a conservative society in losing its hold entails that new age relationships, albeit being age gaps are met with stiff resistance. Basically, it’s a fear instilled in the mind of people. It’s heart warming to see celebs we look up to take the plunge without caring the least about people.

Love

V

Author:

Work-in-progress, seeker and bundle of contradictions. Stubborn and Refusal to grow up and constantly in search of myself, I blurt it out on my space. Drop in and share some love. Indian by choice.

26 thoughts on “Relationships goals: Age gap and finding love

  1. Finding love is always difficult and the only downside to falling in love with an older woman is that as we age our energy levels go down and for a young man keeping up with an older woman’s falling energy levels may become a hindrance…..Of course the plus side is that an older woman has been there and done that so the man is under no pressure to make her happy.

    1. Thanks so much and that’s some interesting perspective. I believe an older woman has a certain maturity offering the relationship a certain stability, like you rightly points out. Love is actually quite tricky!

  2. I love this article. Love is love, no matter which form it comes in. What has age, gender, status or country got to do with it. In a world where loving your pet is considered normal, why do we consider it abnormal if a younger man loves an older woman? Or if men love men and women love women? Thank you so much for writing this. And yes, kudos to Malaika and Arjun

    1. Thanks Pradita. Love is love and why would people barge their nose telling what is right or wrong. After all, it’s a matter of free will and we have no right to tell two individuals what to love or whom to love. Both Arjun and Malaika has given major relationship goals. Like you said two men, two women irrespective of gender, status, age or nation. Our society is witnessing major changes and we are not equipped to deal with things. Live and let live. It’s about love.

      1. I swear Pradita what with everyone turning into judge or some moral authority on something which least affect them. Consent and respecting personal boundary seems to be alien. Love is freedom in itself 🙂

      2. Yes this new generation and the future ones will question the rules to make their own, calling for respect. The old guards, I hope, will have no choice moving ahead with times to ensure a stable transition.

  3. Hi Vishal!
    Reading your article is so soothing and a fresh breeze to stale beliefs. I’m so proud of people like you who think so. I have no regrets telling this that though I got married at an early age of 23 but firsr time love stuck me was when I was 28 or 29. He was almost eight years younger. I kept it inside all my life just because I was already married. Though I feel no shame in accepting it. Love is love not only irrespective of age differences but even irrespective of your marital status. The only thing is it should not harm anyone. Love doesn’t even means to own someone. You can share your love even without confessing it to the one you love from distance of miles n miles. Though such love is definitely not easy. But love is like this. You can only feel it and can never undone it.

    And perfect example of such love of age gap where woman is elder is epic love of Radha and Krishna. Pure, unselfish, unconditional love.

    I am so thankful to you to write it so openly and giving me courage to speak up my truth too. Kudos to you 👍

    1. Meenakshi! I am extremely glad you spoke about it and love can strike at any time, irrespective of whether one is already married or falls for a married person. It’s so easy for society to judge and we can and must release the emotions, as long we don’t harm. I agree. A firm belief in free love yet complex which calls for another post. let’s share posts. I write one and you write from your perspective. I’ve been attracted in my 20s to women twice my age and see nothing wrong in that. She was married in those days and every time would wait outside her office. I agree very tough to follow the heart because of society but scars can grow on us as human beings and like this thread follows, love is love irrespective of age or gender. A very old written ages back and will share that post as well with you! Love the Krishna-Radha analogy!

  4. I’m waiting to read about it Vishal! Your posts are helping me open all bottled up inside. And yes we must release our thoughts, emotions. I will someday try to write about the same on my blog too. Till then your posts are helping me like a balm. 🙂

    1. Thanks Meenakshi and ur courage, exchange of ideas are empowering to me as well. We hold so much of things inside us. The post will be dedicated to you! You’ve been of grew help through this exchange. Love always 🙏

  5. All I can say is that I remember some very beautiful lines of my fav. song:

    न उमर की सीमा हो
    न जनम का हो बंधन
    जब प्यार करे कोई
    तो देखे केवल मन
    नई रीत चलाकर तुम
    ये रीत अमर कर दो
    होंठों से छूलो तुम …

    होंठों से छूलो तुम
    मेरा गीत अमर कर दो
    बन जाओ मीत मेरे
    मेरी प्रीत अमर कर दो

  6. My life is a perfect example of why you should not do things according to society. I was the quintessential Indian wife. And look where am I now? I wish people understand all of us are humans and we all need love, care and someone to give it to us.

    I’m done for life, though.

    Love your post.

    1. Saru! I am glad to see you sharing your experience in such a honest way. You are always a very strong person and we all learn from our past experiences. It’s never too late to start in a fresh way and before being a wife, sister or mother, I strongly feel someone is a human being with her desires, pain and longing. Love is what we all need, Glad to see your last line expressed and means a lot to me that you connected with this post. You will always find a place in my heart as a friend and wonderful human being.

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