I am a smoker. I drink occasionally and a rare treat nowadays to get sloshed and slam the brain with alcohol. The home truth is both alcohol and cigarettes consumption when done to an extreme level and pretty much like substance abuse becomes toxic that makes it an almost impossible task to breathe. The same rings true for our relationships be it with family, extended relations, friends, colleagues or whoever matters. As hard as it gets!
One cannot cut the umbilical cord but it’s legitimate to chuck off ties with extended family or relatives who do us more harm than good. Self-inflicted harm is not something that we should subject ourselves to for the soul deserve nothing less than the best to ensure sanity. Negative energy can come in the form of family members or relatives who seemingly want to decide everything for us, the choice to be educated, getting married or not, having children and the choice of a partner.
I have seen it from a very close range with this whole bullshit argument about keeping mum simply because someone is elder which implies that he or she has the right to drag us in the muck or utter any rubbish on the face. The whole R for respect argument is thrown like a volley on faces to hurl abuse. I came across this article on ‘Here why it is completely fine to cut off family members from your life?’ which is an eye-opener and show why we have no right to stay in a negative relationship by accepting to be insulted or listen to the crap doled out. As self-respected and dignified human beings, we cannot let them have an emotional masturbation over us.
Manipulations, saas-bahu type drama, emotional aggression and putting us down is a forte they have mastered where they will not stop at anything to shows our rightful place as deemed fit in their dictionary. Putting in doubt the mind on how right they are and how wrong we are or deciding everything for us is something they are never shy at doing. It’s as if they are doing us a favor for being stupid. There is not a moment when they will not allude to this favor by pretending to be some saint, Baba Ramdev type and that you need to comply to their whims and fancies. The worse is to make one feel obliged to attend their family gathering or religiously meeting them or else you become an ungrateful prick and good for nothing. I am not arguing about the whole idea of being grateful and respectful to someone who helped in the past. But, I am sorry. I will help only if am able to, at free will and not at the cost of trampling my individuality. Firstly, I am under no obligation to you and secondly, nothing comes at the altar of my personal space or privacy. One should be grateful in the wider context to none.
As humans, our brains have been wired in such a way to seek approval from others and particularly family or relatives who may never see us as their number one priority. Why should you bend and twist to their wishes or value judgments? There is nothing wrong with being selfish and putting the ‘ME First’ at the top of the agenda. Nobody has the right to muzzle your thoughts, individuality, dreams, aspirations or act as a chowkidar to the steps taken. So what if they are family or close relatives!
As a person, I have always been more close to my friends rather than relatives for the first one has always let me be myself and blooming rather than casting sadistic judgment. It is my life and right to freedom. Healing should take prominence since, at every second, we face negative vibes, toxic energy, guilt or pain. I believe in the idea of erecting a wall or glass panel to shield myself from negativity. One has every right to choose travelers in this journey and chuck out the ones who make me uncomfortable.
Stop pandering to relatives, family or plain strangers who may hurt you for they may not be present at the time of waging the hardest battles. Of course, always honor your parents and close friends who stood tall through thick-and-thin moments. For me, my Mom, late Dad and close friends who stood rock solid by my side matter the most. I shall have no hesitation to filter relatives or family that may have hurt me or in whose company, the heart and soul cannot prosper. We all have choices to make and every step taken, good or bad will have a bearing on us. I have learned to take things in my stride by keeping distance or bluntly put, flushing people out of the system.