Once upon a time in Wonderland, lived a dork and a rimmed spectacle beast infatuated by the Cinderella beauty who oozed charm and sensuality. He waited for the day to seduce with chocolate, red roses, and mushy card to win her heart. The testosterone level rose higher and the body temperature level soared feverishly. He was convinced it was his chance to go for the kill. Valentine Day lurked closer to shuffle his card and play smart, believing that the beauty will bite the bait.
He waited for one whole year to propose and after all, don’t they say flower fragrance makes us loyal lovers. The euphoria died and the beauty slipped away from his hand. The flowers, chocolates, and heart-shaped card sashayed its way on Insta, Facebook, and Twitter. The male gaze counts the petal while the female heart longs for the prince charming riding high on the horse to steal her away. Our missed hero’s dreams went into tatters.
Luv shuv slipping behind the imaginary bed sheet and the mind became an enemy on the world’s Valentine Day. All roses sold like hot pancakes and no country too big to run away from lovers recovering from amnesia. Suddenly, we were in love with Valentine’s love toast and notes pe charcha poster boy, Nirav Modi who swept us off our feet and suddenly disappearing into the hole. Our Nirav Baba is the toast of the season, running away with the crores to make our Valentine yaadgar. We have just recovered from Valentine as if some bird flu made a silly comeback and offering company between the legs. Oops! Whose legs are shaved this Valentine Day and the priceless gift of Vaseline cream becoming balm to our broken hearts? Who has got this crazy idea of forking apna sapna money money to make a hole in the pocket…naughty mind I said pocket hole not some other hole! Nobody does Valentine like this Nirav man who has nicely got away with all the crores while we emptied our dime and cents to woo lady Valentine. He is the new teddy bear in town. Ever ready to give Nirav Modi a bear hug selfie to post on social media with Happy Valentine and professing love ke liye kuch bhi karega!
Our beast is nursing his misfortune. He could have impersonated this Modi chap to win over her beauty. She could have found him sensitive. So what he is ugly! After all, she could have been the valentine in exchange for crores. No lover is cheap, after all. They could have sung the duet, mein ladki Po Po Tu Ladka Po Po doing a velfie dance on Facebook. Inspiring love! What say!
Valentine Day is all about hope and kicks in the bum to send aspiring lovers’ adrenaline rushing on spotting a tiny estrogen. Wait! Chai per charcha! Mann ki baat! Hell! No Valentine pe Charcha! Our PM could have turned into love guru and all mitrons making a beeline, listening to his speech on how to seduce on Valentine Day and demonetize love. So many love stories would be churned by cross-dressing and cross legging a la Baba Ramdev in splitting position. The various sex asanas on V-Day would make unfortunate and ugly duckling like us sip the solo wine and wait for her to pull back the streaky hair with a smile and invite us to heavenly bliss. Why should women have all the fun on V-Day while we men can show our cleanly shaven legs wearing the RSS Khaki shorts, parading our assets in the name of love and flowers?
Now, I badly need a date after being women dutch for years! Single just doesn’t pay. I am really believing in God Valentine now for sending Priya Varrier’s viral teasing smile to win over my heart. Valentine Day has reignited hope in my heart. If Priya Varrier’s winks can, why can’t I? Valentine is over. Sniff! Sniff! Now delete all those mushy smooches, kiss in the air, declaration of love for Sunny Leone is passe and our Priya (tamma) Varrier is in. Never ever underestimate a Valentine smile, I tell you. Almost died of diabetes on Valentine with so much sugary love spread all over the place like Naan butter quenching my hunger for love. A matter of wink, Modi, and Valentine pe Charcha after all. I hate Valentine Day! No promise me Shiv Sena, Karni Sena and Bajrang Dal you won’t break my legs for I am no lass.