I love the rains. Plopping sound of water tapering like music to the ear. Divine. Soothing. The rattling of water drops on the window sill ignites the creative mind to write and help to calm a rusted brain. Don’t get me wrong. It’s been raining like hell and it feels so fucking gloomy confined to the room and lying on the bed reading or the worst, feeling lame. Continuous showering can sap one’s energy emotionally and psychologically. It sucks.
Ok! Little bit of cheating here. I went out in the morning for the team’s lunch and some fun bantering where a new member joined. Man! The hotel who calls itself a four-star business hotel sucks and making dining a forgettable experience seems to be their new mantra. Just imagine, two of us ordered cappuccino and the waiter came back after making us wait endlessly and wrecked havoc on earth. It could have triggered the third world war. Milk! There is no milk and our stock is over. Forget the coffee. The best was yet to come. Food ordered. A second apology. The ketchup stock was over. To say, we were stunned and our lid blown is quite an overbearing statement.
I choose to give a skip going to the coffee shop and headed back home. Tiredness got the better of me. It was the unusual weakening of the knee and legs that I face from time-to-time, an energy or vibe thing. I came back and lazed on the bed, reading The Mountain Shadow. The book which is good in parts sent me back to the hazily glorious Mumbai days, Colaba, Leopold and the silent roads in the wee hours, wading like a vagabond. I sorely miss the city and it feels like yesterday only. Mumbai! It wrestles one’s life and can take away so much from the soul, the carefree days and an amorous relationship that went into tatter. The best thing about the book is that Shantaram got an incredibly rich vocabulary and feels going back to school days with pen and paper, jotting the new words to swiftly find its way into my writing.
Mind is fickle. I am facing bout of depression from time-to-time and silly thoughts that overpowers the mind. I hate the unwanted thoughts that jostles me and spinning sensation of a football in the hand of devils having a gala time. But, ain’t letting them win over me. The tiredness that shakes you off the ground and not being in control can claim one’s sanity. I discovered and downloaded by chance an application on my brand new iPhone, Calm which has soulful instrumental music that helps beat anxiety. Listening to the beat of When the Sun Sets by Michael Denny right now and it soothes the mind which keeps roiling like the dangerous storm. I hit on gold and blessed to grab this app that gently strokes the mind. You should check Calm app and listen to the free music while relaxing and doing meditation for it rejuvenate the battered mind and physic.
Things are in a slow mode at the start of the year and I am not pushing myself to do things like crazy. I can be quite obsessive that way and the OCD level keeps shifting gear. A reminder to take things slow, reading, working and not decking the head in hundred different things. I am yet to make fresh entries in my diary for the year. The need for expression and release of pent-up energy or emotions for it’s been two days that I am plagued by negative thoughts which doesn’t spare me even during the yoga practice which by the way is going smoothly.
I want to be more regular on the blog and overcoming the mind’s hurdles or blockage in penning my forever delayed novel. I must have told you in last year’s countless entries. It’s about Mumbai and love. There are so many things plaguing my mind, a desire to push myself in doing so many things and the drive to shift back to India is somehow lost. Need to work harder on this front.
Chalo! I shall see you in another post.