Human nature and the uncanny emotions to pull or draw the strings of love shuv, holding on to the ex and changing equations of varied relationships with lovers, sibling and, of course, parents. At the end of the day, it whittles down to a personal choice and free will rather than being someone or someones acting out of compulsion.
Relationships are tricky to understand and the more we try to make sense by drawing upon logic or understanding, it gets more complex. The way we have been wired in society is often the result of social and cultural construct where we are made to feel guilty due to the dogged beliefs. We end up holding to ‘promises’ which is more about being at the mercy of remote control held by someone else rather than our own. It’s a choice that we often have to make whether getting married, to be with someone throughout life trampling on our decisions or killing our aspirations just to fulfill a silly promise made around the fire. It’s our choice to be married or not, staying single or to be in a live-in relationship with someone.
At some point or the other, we have a choice to make and in doing that, it is legitimate to vouch for our human space and to live life on our own terms. For instance, someone may choose to remain a bachelor or spinster throughout his or her own life, follow a particular sexual life read orientation as a gay, lesbian or metrosexual and sapiosexual, whatever that may be or the choice to procreate. Don’t you think, it’s something personal? Our life belongs to us. We are not a prized ownership of our parents or our so-called extended family of bhaiyas, bhabhi, chachu, chachi, mama or bua who think it’s their birthright to barge into our personal life to dictate its course. No healthy relationship can be a prized ownership based on ego, false promises, illogical expectations or control. The truth is that we are slaves to the archaic rules and its ambassadors.
Go ahead and date a woman or man much older than you are, announce divorce without consulting your extended family, elope or marry someone of different faith or caste. Well! All hell will break loose as if you have committed a gruesome murder. People feel that it’s their right to be offended for not involving them in your decisions. The choice to involve the extended unit in your marriage or other cultural ceremonies is personal. It’s the time when a bunch of intolerants will swarm to cry hoarse on how you have ‘bruised’ their ego.
It’s the stigma of relationships that hurt the most. Your personal life suddenly becomes a taboo for the world who suddenly feel that they have the stamp of approval to decide what is morally right or wrong and good or bad for you. I always get that: When are you getting married? What of I don’t! Aha! It hurts them the most. For instance, take divorce. It is a personal choice for a couple but suddenly the whole world gang against them as if they have turned into some dreaded terrorists and hurling this classic accusation on how the kids will suffer on account of a whimsical decision. I think it’s the biggest bullshit argument that someone may come up with. It’s about prized ownership and in fact, they want to control our lives. Since when adults have to turn into toddlers seeking approval from so-called protectors of society’s honor. It’s ludicrous.
It is important for us to not only act but also be confident as grown-ups to take our own mature decisions. Sorry! No emotional blackmail be it from family and someone else should deter us from soaring in the sky, be it leaving the family cocoon to live independently or doing things on our own. As a society, we need to evolve and grow in a tolerant manner, respecting and accepting the choice of others. I am often like, fuckers, who are you to accept my decision. It’s between me and my parents, not some extended family posing as Kings and Queens or monarchs of relationships.
It’s my income that I earn. I don’t owe my life or explanation to anyone else. Making personal choices shouldn’t hurt anyone. It comes to the person who can maturely decide what is good for him or her and face the music when things go awry. He or she wouldn’t have the right to blame anyone else. Respect personal choices.