Relationships, love and complexities


A dear blogger friend whose views resonates with me and whose opinions I value a lot wrote on her space about relationships, hope and the act of busy falling in love with friendship and people. It’s a dichotomy of the sort as we get used to people and most of the times, we fail to see the blurred line between falling in love with people and getting used to them. It can get very tricky. Read this post on The Idea-Smithy blog.

It got me thinking how often I have fallen in and out of love with various people during the carefree, student days and in not too recent times. But, truth be told, as I age, it’s been a tale of perfecting my art of running away from love owing to the fact that the most serious relationship didn’t work out. It hurt me a lot and questioned my belief in what we call love. Why the fuck that we fall for people? It left me wondering whether I will ever find love, as it is I am in my mid-30s? Being a seeker is my most favorite phrase to describe the self.

Relationships are tricky and complex. Love is an oxymoron. What we believe is love can be as simple as just getting used to people. It’s true that we don’t want conflicts in our relationships and expect things to be honky-dory. I don’t want to commit or carry the burden of long-standing relationships. But, it’s also true, that there is the inherent fear of rejection. Yes, it makes me insecure at times.  Over the years, I have grown up not believing in marriage as an institution since I am bothered about it taking away my space as a person or stifling my emotional freedom as a person. Or, truth be told bluntly, I fear being turned down. It’s my belief that marriage can be suffocating and prevent human growth since we are trapped into society’s beliefs of what is wrong or right.

It has been a habit with me in the past to fall into people with whom I connected with. See, I am an emotional sucker and thrive on them. But, that doesn’t mean that I like to suffocate people. It’s the last thing that I can ever think of doing. It’s also true that I don’t want to hurt the self in a relationship for the strong belief instilled in me that I am done and dusted with that. But, should it be reason enough to run away? When that relationship didn’t work out, I choose to run away from Mumbai. Yet, I was armed with an unflinching hope that things would finally work between us and like some magic, love will surprise me. It was a relationship fraught with complexities, I am Hindu and she is Muslim. I hail from a conservative family and our respective parents would never accept to sanctify this relationship. That’s the issue with us humans: We are always looking for social sanction. How flawed our value judgments are?

I am always in two minds, whether I should be in a relationship or not. At one moment, I tell the self to close the eyes and go for the kill and the next, it’s like that I don’t have time for all this. It’s the biggest lie. Why as humans we want to kill the hope and optimism as free birds in relationships? I am aware that I am no longer in my 20s but mid-30s where mature decisions have to be taken? But, then, a heart knows no reasoning or logic.

It always happens with me when I fall in love with friendships where there is always the fear of risking it and ending losing both love and friendship. Love may reach an expiry date but friendship never does. I guess, there is no clear-cut answer when it comes to dating, love or relationships. We should never shy in dating someone for it teaches us a lot. There is no guarantee that the relationship will stand the test of time because who knows what will happen tomorrow.

I think it is important for all of us to be positive and build on hope, in all our relationships or interactions in the routine of life. As humans, we are shaky and an upset, big or small can pull the trigger to make us vulnerable and losing faith or trust in people. I have realized there is no point in crying hoarse over regret and be open to dating without prejudices or expectations. True, loving freely without expectations work for me since I am nurturing the idea of not indulging in self-hurt.

With love

V

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “Relationships, love and complexities

  1. Just keep hope, everything will work out for the better. In any relationship, there is hope and despair at times…nothing specific to you.

    I did what i felt right at any point in time. No regrets whatsoever, since it was my decision. And life is too short to overthink anyway!

    • Thanks Alok for dropping in. It’s just my free thoughts on relationships and think we humans go through various emotions, at times. I am quite an over-thinker and need to curb on it:)

  2. Hey Vishal my friend. Great post – could so relate… As an old and wise woman I can only say: go for chemistry. If its not there…. well….. Relationships where it clicks on many levels is what are the greatest. as g¨far as I see it: chemistry, humour, values, interests…. Never loose hope- suddenly it will be there!

    • Thnaks Eli. The chemistry matters in a relationship where the main thing should be the vibes. Agree with you on the points made. Couldn’t agree more, hope matters on more than one level.

  3. Hello Vishal. In India, marriage is like a prison for most. As you said – the society dictates. Very few of us have freedom to shape our marriage the way we want it to be. I’ll be 40 next year. And I don’t even get into wishful thinking anymore, about getting married. Again like you said, everything has been made so complex… but does it really need to be like that? Anyway, I hope you find your perfect partner soon though.
    Happy Blogging!
    Chicky @ http://www.mysteriouskaddu.com

    • hey Kaddu, I am so glad to hear your voice and glad that our views converge. It warms the heart to see our respective views on the complexity of things. As a society, we tend to complicate things a lot. In fact, I am not looking for perfection but love matters in different forms. Cheerz and will read your blog…would love to take the reflection on issues further.

  4. Its very difficult to let your true emotions out which you have done so Kudos to that Vishal. Facing a whole lot of experiences I can just share my 2 cents that if you want to be in love accept everything that comes with it. Its never easy to find the person in today world whom you really want to be with. With relation to suffocation let me ask you being with family and relatives do you completely feel you are free. I dont know but relationships have their pros and cons. Friends are lifelines which I alwys say but dont lose the opportunity to find true love, very few lucky ones find it. Dont mean to be preachy or be judgemental, just shared my thoughts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s