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Changing equation of friendship

Strange things are happening to me.  It’s been a few days that I am getting carried away by an emotional turmoil and today I felt the pang which compelled me to ping a friend on Gchat. I told her, ‘I need to vent things out’. It’s a guilt feeling inside. I dunno whether I am feeling better or not after uncorking the bottle of feeling.

In Dil Chahta Hai, the three best buddies Sid, Sameer and Akash head to Goa where the latter watch a ship at a looming distance which he equated to their lives and will disappear in a while. Sid says something about how the three of them will chart unique destinations and no one knows where life will take them. In ten years time, it will be almost impossible for them to meet once. Strangely, it is happening to me right now.

My best friend just got hitched in February to his childhood sweetheart and he came down from Australia to get married in India. Since we are in two different countries, I couldn’t fly to India to attend his wedding and it was something that I was so fucking sure to do. I am still feeling so bad about it. It came to my realization how in 10 years, it would be impossible for besties to meet and it was in 2006 that he left India and I moved out in 2008.

How time flies! We take our lives for granted, right from the time I and Adi spent the most wondrous moments in college, to playing silly pranks and fighting over mundane things. I never thought that we would be sitting on the opposite end of the fence and that life would make us sink in the humdrum of making money, shifting jobs and starting things all over again. I mean, we are so caught up with things and circumstances that sometimes we cannot take the time to be with those who have seen the best and worst of us. I am feeling very bad not to be with the bestie on one of the most special days of his life. Has friendship grown so thin as time flew!

It got me thinking about how the whole equation changes as someone ties the knot? Have you ever thought about it? There are friends with whom we make lifelong memories and hang out together or on Whatsapp, chat or phone if you are in different parts of the globe and suddenly he or she makes the announcement of getting hitched. Time suddenly takes its toll on friendship and life. Things will not remain the same as the person gets married and moves forward in life. It’s the changing equation of friendship. After all, they have to make their life or start a family. It matters. Friendship does matter.

It’s been bothering me for quite a while. I know that it can look stupid in places. After all, life never stays static. I mean, I am someone who was never close to family or relatives but my life always revolved around friends who means the most rather than the former. Technology is replacing relationships. Circumstances make relationships evolve over time and what remain are plain memories of crazy times spent together which gave us the impression at that time that things shall never fade away. The priceless moments keep playing in the head as if it was yesterday only you were meeting your friends in college, going bonker over your latest crush and your bestie ingenious way of devising a plan how to get introduced to that chick. Memories and life beyond that!

It’s true that you need to live with this fact of life that things change once you are settled. The phone calls would be less or may be, the communications would be restricted to Facebook, a once-in-a-blue-moon message on WhatsApp in exchange for a smiley.

How much we give to friendship without making the effort and we bond, getting attached to each other as human beings? Why it happens with some people and not the others? Such questions are plaguing me. I mean, it’s humanly impossible to run away to your closest friends after every single issue and you cannot obviously fly now and then. Like in my case, I was super confident that we would meet and was looking for a personal loan to travel but since I couldn’t pay the previous one on maturity time as a result of my earlier job where we were paid salary after two months since the company was facing losses, I stood disqualified.

Such is life, circumstances, and friendship. The equations change and not everything is in our hands. But, it taught me a lesson: Save for rainy days and take an insurance if one’s savings is zero. In friendship, I believe and memory treasured. One should make the most of life for we never know where that ship may leave us that it would be impossible to spot our own shadow in the stormy sea and crashing waves.

This post is also linked to #MondayMusings on Everyday Gyaan.







Work-in-progress, seeker and bundle of contradictions. Stubborn and Refusal to grow up and constantly in search of myself, I blurt it out on my space. Drop in and share some love. Indian by choice.

16 thoughts on “Changing equation of friendship

  1. So true Vishal.Equations change with time, responsibilities and changing priorities. But, meeting a bestie or talking to her/ him even after a long time gives great happiness. We take our happy times for granted but those memories might not come back and need to be cherished forever in our hearts.

  2. I totally can relate with the situation Vishal! There are always times where relations take a different turn and we are left with a feeling of loss. In fact at times you dont even know why the sudden change has happened or what you have done to cause this change. I have been there too!

    1. Thanks Menaka for sharing your views. I guess it’s a natural feeling with time when we move in different directions in life. The thoughts come to the fore and yes it become so sudden for us. It’s so true. How do you cope with such changes?

    1. Hmm! Me can see that I am not alone with friendship changing and memories…well remain memories. It’s quite a normal feeling and flush of emotions but need to vent. Thanks loads Sheetal:)

  3. It was good to read your thoughts on life and friendship and you’re so right. Life and circumstances often pull us in different directions. Sometimes it’s hard to keep up but we do what we can. Lovely post.

    1. Thanks so much Miriam. I pondered on friendship and relationships. It’s so true about life and circumstances where you’ve put it so well. We don’t master destiny. true but we never stop believing.

  4. So glad you shared your angst on these thoughts with everyone. Grief, when shared is halved, also knowing that others have also gone through such experiences will reassure you that you’re not alone in this. I think it takes a while getting used to this feeling once it comes over you, because change is the only constant in our lives. Nothing remains the same forever. But, you will remember me when in later years your friend will come back, full circle, keen to connect with you again, on social media and the likes because I’ve seen that happen a lot of the times too. People after a point start going back to their old friendships, from college days and they love it. All is not lost yet, that’s all I can say.Having said that, it can never be like those carefree college days again. That only happens once. I can totally understand your feelings as you wrote this post. Been there once many moons ago, my friend!

    1. Thanks so much Esha. I needed to pour things out. I mean, we are in touch via phone and mail from time to time but I know things won’t be the same and the phone calls would gradually reduce. I so wanted to meet but due to circumstances, we couldn’t. Like you said, nothing remains the same forever…yeah, I guess we get used to that. I so miss those carefree college days and days of friendship that was so genuine. Your words make me at peace and hope I can meet my friend very soon.

  5. Yes distances and modes of communication have changed relationships. But that is life. People move on, priorities change and other committments take over.
    I have been blessed to be in touch with all my close friends and more, all thanks to technology.

    1. Thanks for dropping. It’s true communications have brought distance closer and it’s true people do move on in life. I am also in touch with friends and gave him a call last week on his India’s number and we spoke for a while. Thanks for sharing your views Shalzmojo. I guess, that’s life and it cannot remain static.

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