Pet (Human) Peeves


PetWe all have our pet peeves, don’t we? There are so many things that I abhor and hate. Funny thing is that it is not just about dumb people or useless behavior but also things. It’s quite a long list and the cranky me doesn’t see them making sense at all. It simply irritates me to the core and the worse is that little you can do thwart such attempts at the cost of being labeled as rude and unbecoming in the most ungentlemanly manner.

Image sourced from Google

1. Kissing

Yes! I swear. I simply hate this flying kissing when ten thousand relatives you meet at an event, be it a wedding or gathering plant soppy kiss on the cheek. I am like, Yeh mere gaal hai Indo-Pak ka border nahin (Hell! It’s my cheek and not Indo-Pak border). Often, it makes me wonder, Ok! You don’t need to kiss on the cheek to show your affection or for that matter, greet people. But, some people just don’t get it. The worse thing is they come and plant a peck on the cheek during the excruciating heat and perspiration is nicely passed on your cheek like some stamp of approval. Is it a fucking blessing or what that you will be showered money or win the jackpot?!

2. Wearing a tie

I am not cut for the corporate look and imagining wearing a tie for five fucking days would make me die rather than sit like a dog with the collar-bone. It irritates the shit outta me. I am a freelance media consultant and writer. Often, I have to attend conferences wearing the tie and I am like, Oh! Gosh! How the fuck I am gonna survive. On top of that, I don’t know how to tie the knot and run to the next-door uncle, a lawyer who fixes it for me. He has been tired of teaching me doing the knot and I successfully failed at it. No wonder! Who is that guy who invented the tie to torture people like me? I always carry a tie in the bag and just hop inside the washroom to get it done just before the event. Easy peasy!

3. Selfies

Now, this is my favorite pet peeve that wins hands down. I plainly hate this whole selfie business and can’t understand how people click everything, right from getting out of the washroom to munching food and what next, after every bestie date saying cheese in front of a self-clicked thingy to sashay on every social media site, FB, Twitter or Instagram. Is the world coming to an end? You know what next time? Click your bum for a belfie.

I have, so far, stayed away from the whole selfie business. I love clicking my images but from my dear old Kodak camera or phone, asking someone to do the honor. Just hate branding the phone on selfie mode to click every nanosecond. It bugs me to an irritating manner.

4. Sucking up business

There are folks who like to suck up to us or go down the asses just because they need a fucking favor. I am a very straight forward person and if you need something, just ask. If I am okay with it, I will help you without any ulterior motive or if I cannot, well No means No. I have seen people in office like that and when they do, I just wanna kick an ass or two. Sucking up to someone makes you gross, indecent, lame and vulgar.

5. Right to be offended

They are everywhere. Born with the right to be offended, they cry hell when you speak about the action of an individual and they make it a racist fest that you have attacked an entire race, caste or community. Let loose and take a chill pill. If someone does something, they tell you it is a blot to the entire community. Remember this idiot who slapped Gauhar Khan. How does one person’s action make him or her accountable to the religion? We are all humans beings, born with personal preferences or desires, likes, and dislikes. I have never seen myself as representing the religion I was born into and nobody can ever question what I do or don’t. I see myself as a human being and as a person first not brand ambassador of a community or caste.  As it is, we don’t chose our religion.

Love

V

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