This post is written as part of ‘Here Come Writing Wednesdays #writingwednesdays’ hosted on Write Tribe.
A wise man once said, “Tough Times Never Last but Tough People Do.” As I look back at my life one year back, I was reeling under negativity and spat anger everywhere. Things were not working for me and I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown, wondering whether it’s eternal. I was surviving on a dim but fading light. The hair turned grey. Frustration gnawed upon me. I would never accept my limits or being wrong and God save that person who came up with gyan lessons or tried to be all preachy! Trust me, some people bore my brunt and anger. I hit on social media and got into a spat with people.
A job where we were denied our basic salary that went on for months and I finally put on my papers. I was compelled to take a low and menial job in a factory that was much below my academic credentials and salary worth. It felt like I was dying every second of my life. Depression seeped in and couldn’t chase off the negative-cum-unwanted thoughts that flowed in. At that time, there were friends like Payal Agarwal, Pratibha, Devangini Chauhan and Gayatri Aptekar who supported me a lot and advised on meditation. ‘Close your eyes and go blank for 5 minutes,’ they said. I had completely lost it in this flurry of thought that hijacked my life. Nonetheless, I started the practice on an irregular basis for I wondered on the futility of the practice.
It was in the first week of January that I woke up one day and looked at myself in the mirror, “Vishal! What are you doing to yourself?” I skipped work on that day and it got me thinking how I lost my mojo but needed to be back to the super optimistic person that I was aeon ago. It cannot happen, I told myself. I must be born again and be that person for whom the world Impossible never existed. The decision was taken. There was no financial back-up, EMI and loans pending. No extra money to survive. I took a bold decision and risked a monthly salary. The next day I informed my employer who happens to be a relative that I will quit in another week time.
There was the struggle. In the mean time, I received a peanut offer from a newspaper offering 15k that was much below my expectations. I mulled about it but politely declined to join them. It is fear that compels us to take anything that comes our way. We have insecurities that we may not get a job and are compelled to devalue ourselves as human beings. Once bitten, twice shy. But, the moment we compromise and don’t value ourselves, we are suck into it. It was a good decision that I took and now as I hark back, I am proud of making a bold decision where the real me came alive. I cannot say that I can afford to turn down a job but decided to go against the tide. Certainly, I cannot take risks since I don’t have a back up but went with the gut feeling.
It’s been two months when life pretty much surprised me in all its forms. I like things that way. It was in June when a miracle happened when I got paid handsomely for one week project as a consultant. In no time, I turned into a freelancer with the same company who has offered me two projects which I am doing this month and one of them is getting over today. There is a huge international conference about insurance that I will attend in the evening where the assignment will be completed.
Right now, I don’t earn a secure monthly salary but survive on projects and pray that they keep on coming. But, I am in a happy space today where I am able to take projects and do my own things sitting at home. For the first project, I report at the client’s office thrice a week for few hours and I am learning the basic ropes of the financial industry which is a challenge for me. It’s an exciting phase in my life. There were three years where I hit a dismal low and lost all hopes but what followed this year was nothing short than a miracle.
After nine months, I can see changes in me from a spiritual and soulful perspective where I am more composed and relaxed as a person. It’s a new me. Today, I can say that the meditation has helped me a lot in growing into the person that I am slowly becoming. True, my life is far from what I wished for but things are shaping in an upward curve. I refuse to set goals about seeing myself in the next five years which I feel is a flawed perspective but it’s a daily challenge for me, striving against all odds. Everyday is a struggle.
To every soul struggling in life, one thing I’d like to say, never abandon this tiny bubble of hope for after night comes the sunrise. Believe in yourself and never kill the dreams. You are made and destined to do the extraordinary, there is no one like you. Nurture hopes and work on yourself as a human beings.