Roast Roast Na Raha! The AIB Knock-out scared the shit out of people and made them see black. After all, Black is just a color and dim-wits raised their hands to protest against Un-sanskari show. Guess, Alok Nath must be reveling in his own glory to be the brand ambassador of his own shadow. I am offended at the offended for the AIB offence. Grim days ahead for stand-up comedy would be an understatement and we missed a cue to laugh at ourselves. We missed the fun a la Alia Bhatt jokes. I am already bordering on mental insanity as I sunk low in my own mediocrity. Time to hit at myself is my own dumb way to protest at the pulling down of the show. Scratching my nose here for some fun. Here, we go and come to roast me:
-Vishal took admission at Fergusson College because he thought that it’s the house of Man Utd former Manager, Sir Alex Fergusson who’d throw hot cuppa tea on his already broken face.
-Vishal is so dumb that he almost failed his Maths exams and repeated junior school elementary classes. He could have been a grass cutter,beggar singing, ‘Aflatoon..Afla Afla toon’ at traffic signals. And, he thought it’s cool to sell his soul for chillar (dime).
-Your man is so dumb that he thinks Tanmay Bhat of AIB is jumbo-sized Vada Pav or burger put on display to munch.
-Vishal thinks that the piece of shit he writes are best selling poems that people love reading. He gets high when people google his name, thinking he is the only one in the world but he is so dumb not realizing that people stumble on his blog by mistake. Oblivious to the fact that they curse him on how they wasted their time by zeroing on the wrong person. They must be searching for Vishal Dadlani.
-Vishal thinks that Google is a pair of black sunglasses that protect eyes for staring on lap tops.
-He thinks FIR is a censored joke that Aditi Mittal makes during stand-up comedy performances.
-In his mind, he thinks ‘Ganja’ is a drink endorsed by a celebrity called Shiva on TV.
-He prances around when people calls him the ugliest thing on the street and run to the theater asking, ek ticket katao, I want to watch the 100 crores super hit, ‘Mein Ugly Dikhta Hoon ( I am ugly).
-When someone walks past and ignore him, yours truly checks his face in the mirror, wondering whether he turned into coal.
-Vishal suffers from color blues, is hearing impaired that he lovingly calls his friend Kikoo whose nick is Kitto. He should get the nobel prize for being so illiterate and dumb.
-Yours truly is so wacky and nuts that he mistakes Vaseline for syrup treating stomach upset. Once he tried it by mistake but love the taste and how he wished it was milk chocolate.
-Self claimed confession of the biggest ‘Phatu’ on earth: When leaves shake on trees, he gets goose bump and the heart beats faster thinking he is trembling.
-He never takes a bath and walks miles to take a dip in the sea water, thinking that his famous visarjan cleanse the body of all parasites.
-Go green is a new plant waiting to be explored and discovered in his dictionary to save water, earth and trees.
-When Virat Kohli scored a century to seal India’s win against Pakistan, he thought marriage was proposed to Anushka Sharma by the cricketer.
-You wanna know why he blabbers a lot on the blogs he wrote and created? As simple as that!! He thinks it’s a kinda mental masturbation and no one listens to what he says after sex, exclaiming how great it was with her. She thinks it’s all fake and the blog is his only savior, at least he thinks so.
-He thinks Valentine is the name of a saint, sprinkling wealth on people, splurging on cards, chocolates and roses that he has started to worship the nameless one every February 14.
-Writing stupid romance stories that only exist in his imagination makes him think they are best sellers read by invisible eyes and he is the new Chetan Bhagat in town.
-He thinks being a journalist means saying with hash tag on Twitter
#IamCharlie and every time he calls himself one, real journos die of heart attack with the syndrome, ‘Oh! My God! Whose this fella Vishal, by the way?!!!
-Every time, he makes a new girl friend, half of the women in turn thank their luck for saving them the royal pain in the ass of saying No to him and how ugly he looks.
-He thinks Twitter is a love bird, carrying love letters to women who would say yes to his proposal.
-Yours truly think Jesus, Rama and Allah are three brothers, like Amar Akbar Anthony.
-When someone asks him to eat vegetables, he freaks out thinking they will feed him grass.
-By the way, was Alia Bhatt a university topper and Nobel Prize winner?
Haha!!! Ab bohot ho gaya khud ko kheechne mein. Hope you guys are having fun and feel free to pull my legs..khichai:)