It’s a huge confession to make on a lazy, windy and cold Sunday. I am a shoe addict and feel like singing Shoe-Kar Mere Mann Ko Kiya Tune Kya Ishaara. Yeah! I know I am treading on a path, monopolized by the ladies who flirt with shoes of different colors, size and shapes.
Here’s the shocker. I am a guy dabbling, pardon the word, it’s experimenting with five to six pair of shoes I proudly own. I have a growing fascination not just for denims but shoes and, after all, both are partners in crime, professing undying love, who just cannot live without each other.
I wonder and gape for breath at the biggest conspiracy in the world where the shoes pulled their strings together to hurl black magic on me. What wrong did I do to deserve their fury? The mighty shoes found out my inkling for them and concocted a potion at the vulnerable me so that I dance to their tune. So, you see, with a freak like me, Shoe-mantra is no longer a domain exclusively reserved for crazy-licious women hunting for your breed, dear Shoes.
The prized possession, meaning shoes is scattered all over the place, hall, room and the rack sitting near the toilet. Man! My shoes are giving tough competition to the ones owned by Mom on the rack as they are fighting with each other for a place under the sun, shoving each other out of their seat. Thank to the sky, I am single or else, the partner would have flung my shoes out of the window, making them orphans.
After all, Women are our Ardhangini, vowing to support them at every end, no matter how tough the battle of life gets. Battle of Shoes, oops, Battle of Sexes, here I come to flaunt my shoes, green, Black and Camel. As it is, one should always pay heed to what the women tell us and ignore them at your own risk. Are you listening, emasculated gentlemen? The ladies’ men that we are set to revolutionize the world of shoes and borrowing a cue from the women folks, we need to learn the amazing tricks from them,
I mean, how they do? Buying shoes at the drop of the hat and my silly mind tells me they must be owning some 20 to 30 pairs of shoes. I mean, I can forget to compete with the double dozen of shoes coz my collection is no match to them.
How they maintain their shoes? Come on ladies, shows us some love and, of course, how do you keep pairs of shoes in the car? To the great chagrin of hubbies, boy friends and male friends, the legs keep changing shoes and chappals, before majestically stepping inside the marriage venue. We still need to learn this magical trick.
Kya Kaare ladies, aadat se majboor! I mean, you have it so easy when we make a pale and lame comparison in the way you carry your shoes. Just imagine, how tough it is for us to live with those horrible shoe laces. I mean, I hate it. After some point, the laces of my favorite Woodlands shoes loses its crease and just imagine the royal pain in the ass to stop at every end on the street, bending in hot yoga posture to show my prized asset, to tie the laces. You must be wondering, what an ass. Indeed! You, ladies, don’t go through this pain. Tere Mere Shoes ka Kaisa Hai Yeh Naata Anjaana.
What’s a Shoe story without drama? If you think my shoe story is all about wearing them, think again? When I think about my shoe drama, sobbing heart break flashes back to the mind the fateful Sunday I got down from the Best Bus at Linking Road, Bandra where the shoe teared off to reach its expiry date. What a humiliation! It’s another tragedy that it happened after spending a lovely Sunday at Bandstand, admiring drop dead gorgeous chicks in high heels and perhaps, laughing at them. Yeah! Never risk laughing at a woman and they will curse you to death. It’s another story that I wiggled my way painfully, clumping till Bandra Station to the moving train and finally reaching my abode at Churchgate.
The curse didn’t calm my love and passion for Shoes. Woodlands, Nike and Puma, you name it, you get. What a partner we make! Are you listening ladies, my ‘shoe-licious’ role models. Truly, a shoe affair. Now, don’t ever ever get wrong ideas about me. This balderdash of sort is all about my love and confession for shoes. What were you thinking? Slap your dirty mind coz I don’t need to go to church for confession.